put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
