you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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