i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Say something about gay babies.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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