Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize