I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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