I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We talked him into tasing himself.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
All I want is dick and wine.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
