Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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