Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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