apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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