$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
