my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
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So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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