You just made me feel so damn special
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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