you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
