I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
now i know why i became what i already was.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
