Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
