I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
