my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My vagina is very pro this idea
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
