so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
