I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
