tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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