I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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