I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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