My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
