onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
