she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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