The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
