with your own penis?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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