I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Acid is not a monday night drug
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize