she was so not down for the gang bang
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
