I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
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i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
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Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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