Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
