After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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