I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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