Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
