I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
