hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
