i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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