low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize