By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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