I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
