When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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