I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
