yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I use my feet as sexual weapons
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
