I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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