I feel like I'm in dance class right now
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
