Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
