I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
