Define "chronic" masturbator.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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