Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
