Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just high enough for therapy.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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