Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
