You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
