why didn't you poke me back
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
