Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
