2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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