i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
