That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
