Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
