You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
