Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
