I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We don't watch enough power rangers
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
