ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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