I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
