i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
